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Ashtrays

Bryan, Editor in Chief, Thomson West, 1999, 605

Editor's Note: The preceding article was written by a dedicated minister in the Living Church of God as an informed encouragement to any who would listen about taking the first and most important step towards fighting the scourge of smoking addiction

Wearing black lipstick, bleaching your hair blonde Put on your socks, cut-offs or jean shorts, vampire fangs & your I Love New York shirt Well I know full well that you are the patron saint of sucking cock Seorita, youre a cheater Well so am I You wanna go where the girls are young & dumb & hot as fuck Where theyre dancing in the street with nothing on Well drive your car to the beach with the song on repeat you showed me Well drive your car to the beach with the song on repeat, oh baby My heart is racing watching you kissing on my guitar Faking a tear drop by spraying my eye with that water gun We wanna go where the girls are young & dumb & hot as fuck Where theyre dancing in the street with nothing on

Im not trying to write any kind of vindictive, bitter song

, but it was Sarah Shermans supremely silly appearance as The Original Nosferatu that scored best on Update. Appearing in full vampire makeup and lengthy fingers, Sherman teased Colin Josts penis (like the vampire, Weird, white and pointy) and commented on Bill Skarsgrd, the star of the new movie version